The 3 Year

Birthdays are times for reflection and celebration. For many of us they are the real “New Year” experience, when review and resolution have a stronger resonance and hopefully a greater likelihood of success. The blessed Sun has moved into Pisces and a few days I’ll be 66 years old. As predicted when I was much younger, I like being an elder. Childhood, adolescence and young adulthood were not times I enjoyed. Middle age was better, but the 60s have been the best decade of life so far. That’s true even though last year was full of painful experiences. Numerologically, this year, 2019, is a 3 year for me on multiple fronts. I am hopeful that means it will be a bit more light-hearted.

I like numerology: the practice of reducing numbers to their lowest possible digit and applying the wisdom of many sages (particularly Pythagorus). Numerology contains both simplicity and complexity. Like any esoteric subject, it offers opportunity for a lifetime of study and contemplation. It recently occurred to me that I like numerology in part because I suffer from dyscalculia. Math has been the bane of my intellectual life and the source of much personal insecurity and self-loathing. So many of us believe we are dumb at some time or another in our lives. My inability to do simple arthritic calculations showed up in grade school and has scarred me repeatedly since then. See, I am smart but it took me until graduate school in my 40s to believe and embrace my strong intellect. Former colleagues and family members thought me arrogant and “a show-off.” I love words, started talking at 9 months, and organically grew a big vocabulary. My mother labeled me “too smart” but that was pejorative and connected to a script about letting boys win and protecting their frail egos (an example of how we helped to create “fragile masculinity”). To be smart and unashamed, to try to stretch the mind instead of suppressing it, is a defiant, even subversive act for a girl or a woman. I am defiant.
A three year is a journey in search of personal happiness. Yogi Bhajan says happiness is found in seva (service). M Scott Peck says it is found in loving and in creativity without regard to happiness. It’s one of those puzzles that respond to subtlety and grace. Look for it and you won’t find it. Stop seeking and it appears.

In 2018 I gave many hours of thought to what brings me happiness. I learned that it is balanced blend of caring for others and caring for self. Tip too far in either direction and unhappiness (in the forms of anxiety and irritability for me) are the result. This blog also is the result of that search: how do I stimulate creativity and take the risks that lively creativity demands. So I am taking the risk of writing from the heart and then sharing it with whomever happens by this Treehouse. In some ways it’s taken a lifetime to get here. At the very same time, it is a new beginning. Happy New Year.

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